Eggnog Fest
by WitchGirl
Summary: When four of the ER staff get drunk on Christmas Eve on Eggnog, they begin to ask each other long forgotten questions. And start singing the Beatles! Featuring the vocal stylings of Dr. Dave Malucci and Dr. Luka Kovac! (PG13 for mild sexual content and
1. How Many Quarters in a Dollar?

Eggnog Fest  
  
Part One: How Many Quarters in a Dollar?  
  
Summary: When four of the ER staff get drunk on Christmas Eve on Eggnog, they begin to ask each other long forgotten questions. And start singing the Beatles!  
  
A/N: I was in a really funky mood when I wrote this. First part set December '99. There are three parts "How Many Quarters in a DOllar?" "Headaches" and "Christmas Time... Again."  
  
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"Why do some people have to be so messy?" John Carter asked, mostly to himself as he and a few of his friends picked up the remains of a Christmas party.  
"Hey, Carter, don't look at me! I wasn't the one who spiked the eggnog!" Dave Malucci said as Carter glanced over at him.  
"You guys are so negative! Keep working! It was your idea to have the party, Carter!" Carter rolled his eyes already knowing with out seeing the person who had spoken. He turned to her and smiled a forced smile.  
"Yes Mother!" he said to Lucy Knight.  
"Thank you, my itty bitty baby!" Lucy said back sarcastically.  
"Please, Lucy, you said work so work!" Abby said, coming in the room with Luka Kovac, carrying a trash bag, "Besides, wouldn't you rather be here then over stuck at the ER like Peter, Mark, Carol, Kerry, and Lizzy?"  
"They're probably having more fun then us! Last I heard, the board was practically clean!" Luka said.  
"Hey, come on guys, cheer up! How about a nice glass of eggnog?" Dave asked. The other four looked at him, "What?"  
"Oh, what the heck?" Lucy said, taking a glass, "We have to get rid of it some how!"  
"What harm could it do? It's only one glass," Carter agreed, also taking a glass. Dave poured himself some and looked at Abby.  
"Oh, no thank you, I think I'll be the designated driver tonight!"  
"I'll have some!" Luka volunteered, "Never really had it before though... But come on, Abby, it will be... nice."  
"Luka!" Abby said, surprised. She watched as her friends took glass after glass of eggnog.  
"C'mon Abby... One glass isn't gonna get us drunk!"  
"In case you haven't noticed, Dave, you haven't had one glass!" Abby couldn't keep from laughing.  
"Huh? But I just thought I had some a few minutes ago! Better pour me some more!"  
"Um, am I the only one who sees how drunk you are?" Abby asked.  
"We're not drunk! You can't get drunk on eggnog! It's like... Impossible! I think Abby needs a glass to lighten up! I prescribe you one glass now, one in two minutes, and three more after that!" Lucy said, "Whoa!" she shrieked as she fell back on the couch. Carter sat down next to her.  
"What's that word for people who are no fun?" Carter asked, trying to find the right words.  
"Um... People who are no fun?" Lucy guessed  
"No, there was a special word..."  
"Oscar!" Lucy and Carter looked at Luka. He looked back at them, "What?"  
"Oscar? Isn't that an award?" Lucy asked.  
"Yeah, the award for the person who's not the most fun goes to... Abby Lockhart!" they all laughed at what Carter said except Abby.  
"No, not the award! He means Oscar the Grouch!" Dave came in.  
"Oh yeah!" Lucy said holding up a finger, "That's you, Abby!" Abby sighed and shook her head.  
"I'm gonna go get some water!" Abby said. Lucy leaned in close to Carter.  
"When she comes back, let's put in some eggnog!" Lucy whispered.  
"Yeah!"  
"Won't she notice her water turned white?" Luka asked who had over heard them.  
"Water isn't white, you idiot!" Dave said.  
"It could be..." Carter said, "If it was really messy!"  
"You think she'd drink white water?" Dave asked.  
"Maybe. I think Ally would drink almost anything!" Carter said.  
"You mean Abby?" Dave corrected.  
"Who's Abby?" Carter asked.  
"Yeah, what color *is* water anyway? I mean, it looks clear but it has to have a color!" Lucy said.  
"Does it have to have a color? I'm confused now!" Dave said, sitting down on the couch on the opposite side of Lucy.  
"I think... I think everything has to have a color!" Luka said, sitting on one of the arms of the couch.  
"Why?" Dave asked.  
"You know, I never thought people could have such in-depth conversations when they were drunk!" Abby said, coming out with her water.  
"We're not drunk!" Dave said, "I know I've only had..." he counts on his fingers until he has none left, "Um... three?" while Abby was distracted, she set down her water.  
"Three, yeah, right, whatever!" Abby laughed. She picked up her water glass and was about to take a sip when, "What the hell happened to my water?"  
"It turned white?" Carter said, innocently.  
"I knew water had a color!" Lucy declared.  
"Water doesn't turn white unless something's added to it!" Abby said.  
"Why don't you taste it and see if it tastes good?" Luka asked. Abby looked at them all suspiciously.  
"All right, who put eggnog in my water?" she asked like a mother, trying to find a guilty child. All fingers pointed to Lucy. Lucy pointed at Luka. When she noticed everyone blaming her, she pointed her other finger at Carter.  
"Nice try, Luce," Abby said, pouring out the watery eggnog.  
"Oh, gee, thanks guys! Real friends!" Lucy said, looking at her friends, hurt. A cell phone rang. Lucy realized it was Carter's but before he could get to it, she grabbed it and answered.  
"Howdy, Nucy Light speaking!"  
"Lucy?"  
"Oh hi Kerry... It's Kerry!" she whispered to her friends.  
"OH KERRY!" they all said. Abby hid her face in her hands.  
"Uh... Are you drunk?"  
"No! I only had a few glasses of eggnog!"  
"You are. OK, um, could you give me to Carter?"  
"Okaly Dokaly!"  
"Right..." Kerry said as Lucy handed it to Carter.  
"It's for you!" she whispered. Carter took the phone.  
"Hey Kerry!"  
"Carter, are you sober?"  
"Yep! I'm as sober as I ever have been! Carter John never drinks!"  
"Carter... John? OK, could you give the phone to somebody who *hasn't* been drinking?"  
"Oh, you must mean Oscar!" Carter said, nodding.  
"Oscar? Who's that, the bar tender?"  
"No, it's Ally!"  
"Who's Ally?" Kerry had no idea what he was talking about.  
"Uh... You know her, she has brown hair, see her at the hospital a lot..." Carter tried to find the words.  
"You mean the bulimic patient that keeps coming in?" Kerry asked.  
"Uh... I don't think she's bulimic. Hey Ally! Are you bulimic?"  
"Are you talking to me?" Abby asked, "I'm sorry, but I don't know any 'Ally'   
and I've never seen you before in my life!"  
"Was that Abby?" Kerry asked, hearing the girl.  
"Yep! That's Ally!" Carter said.  
"My God, you are strange when you're drunk, Carter!"  
"I sure am!" he admitted, happily.  
"OK, so could I talk to, um, Ally?"  
"Sure thing! Ally, Kerry wants to talk to you!" Carter said, holding his cell phone out to her.  
"Give me that before you hurt yourself!" Abby said, snatching the phone, "Dr. Weaver?"  
"Abby, please tell me you aren't drunk!"  
"I'm not drunk but everyone else is!"  
"Are you sure?"  
"You don't believe me?"  
"Carter and Lucy didn't think they were drunk."  
"Trust me, Kerry, I wanted to be the designated driver."  
"Well, you sound sober... What's going on over there?"  
"Eggnog fest. Dave's idea."  
"I should have known!" Kerry sighed, "Are there any competent doctors or med. students around?"  
"Uh..." Abby looks around at Dave who was dancing on the table, Lucy and Carter who are sitting on the couch laughing to death, and Luka who had taken the whole pitcher of eggnog and was chugging it down, "Nope, just me! I'm the only one. You want me?"  
"Fine, yeah, could you come over here? We need another doctor. Trauma came in, and they're working on it but they need help with the other patients."  
"Uh... Could you call someone else? I'm afraid to leave these guys alone."  
"I understand. I'll see if I can get in touch with Dr. Chen."  
"Thanks," Abby hung up. She looked at Lucy and Carter on the sofa.  
"You know, you look pretty handsome through the eyes of a drunken girl!" Lucy said, flirtatiously, placing her index finger on his nose.  
"You know what? Thanks! You look pretty pretty through the eyes of a drunken man!" Carter replied in the same tone and placing his own finger on Lucy's nose. Abby could not keep from laughing.  
"They're not gonna want to miss this!" she said and sprinted over to the table where there was a video camera there for New Years Eve. She turned it on and filmed them.  
"Thank you Carter John!"  
"You're welcome Nucy Light!" Carter said and Lucy laughed.  
"You're funny when you're not funny!" she said.  
"And you're cute when you're not funny!" Carter replied.  
"Am I cute when I am funny?"  
"You're always funny!"  
"So does that mean I'm never cute or I'm always cute?" Lucy was confused.  
"Uh... Always cute!" Carter saved himself.  
"Yeah!" Lucy declared, happily.  
"Yeah!" Carter agreed.  
"Don't you just hate those stupid pick up lines guys use on you?" Lucy asked.  
"I dunno! A guy's never given me a pick up line!" Carter looked sad and Lucy comforted him.  
"It's all right, Carter, they know you're not gay, that's the reason!"  
"You think?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Gee, I never thought of that!" Carter said. Abby laughed. She was filming the whole thing.  
"Well, anyway, I just hate 'em. Be glad you're not gay, Carter!"  
"Hey, you're cute when you're cute..."  
"You already said that, you idiot!" Lucy laughed.  
"Oh, yeah, right!" Carter said.  
"Hey Luka! Gimme some of that eggnog!" Dave shouted from the table. Luka looked up, the pitcher nearly empty.  
"Uh... We're almost out. Oscar, go get some more!" Luka ordered.  
"Oh no, I'm not giving you any more eggnog if you paid me a million dollars!"  
"Is that all it'll take?" Dave asked, "Well, in that case, uh..." Dave dug deep into his pocket, fished out some quarters, and handed them to Abby.  
"There! Six quarters! That should do it!" he said. Abby starred at the six lonely quarters in her hand.  
"Uh... Dave? I said a million bucks, not a buck fifty!"  
"What? I thought that was a million dollars! I was saving it for my wedding night!"  
"That'll be a while!" Abby rolled her eyes, "This is only one fifty. Not a million dollars."  
"Really? Then... How many quarters in a dollar?" Dave asked. He looked over at Luka who shrugged.  
"Uh, Dave? Think what you just asked," Abby said, laughing, camera still on them. Dave paused for a minute.  
"What?" he asked, "What's wrong with my question?"  
"Well, first of all, I feel like I'm talking to a two-year-old... wait, that's how I always feel talking to you! Anyway, secondly, how many quarters are in anything?"  
"Uh... two?" Dave guessed.  
"No, you idiot!" Luka said.  
"Thank you Luka!" Abby said, happy to see someone knew their math.  
"It's six! You only gave her a dollar!"  
"Uh... Luka? The answer is four," Abby told them.  
"Oh!" Dave and Luka said together. There was a pause and then, Dave said, "Are you sure?"  
"YES!" Abby screamed, "Right, Cart-" she stopped as she turned the camera back to Carter and Lucy who were now beginning to make out on the couch, "OK, never mind, then!" She turned the camera away, laughing again.  
"Hey Luka! We're on TV!" Dave screamed excitedly.  
"Huh? Where?" Luka asked looking around.  
"Oscar! She's filming us!"  
"Wow!" Luka said.  
"Hey Luka! Remember that thing we did at that place with the singing and the stuff and... Stuff?" Dave asked.  
"Yeah, that stuff was fun!" he said.  
"Let's do it for Oscar!" Dave declared. Abby took down the camera.  
"I really would appreciate it if you stopped calling me Oscar!" she said.  
"Sorry, sorry, just film us, OK?" Dave said. He pulled Luka up onto the table.  
"Oh my God!" Abby said as they began to sing.  
"We all live in a yellow submarine!" Dave sang, completely out of tune. Luka stumbled along with him.  
"A... submarine!" he said.  
"A yellow submarine!"  
"Oh my God!" Abby turned and saw Cleo walk in, dropping the shopping bag she was carrying. Dave and Luka took no notice and kept singing. Abby turned to her.  
"Hey Cleo! Finally, someone sober!" Abby sighed.  
"You mean they're drunk? I thought Dave was acting pretty normal!" Cleo laughed.  
"Hey look, Nucy! It's another Oscar!" Carter said, tearing his lips away from Lucy.  
"Carter, is that..." Cleo couldn't even finish her sentence staring at the girl on the couch with Carter.  
"Yes, that is 'Nucy Light' and that man there is 'Carter John!'" Abby laughed, "But what are you doing here? Weaver called, said a trauma came in and needed help."  
"A trauma did come in, but I'm not on, remember? I mean, Waever called me when the trauma came but now that's all done... Weaver said I might wanna come check on you guys."  
"She was right!" Abby said, looking at Dave and Luka still singing and Lucy and Carter on the couch, making out again, "God they're gonna have a hangover in the morning!"  
"And lose some dignity! Abby, are you *filming* them?" Cleo asked, noticing the camera.  
"Eh. It'll be a good momento for next year's Christmas party... And proof that Dave really does have bad singing!" Abby said. Cleo laughed.  
"Hey Cleo!" Dave interrupted his song, "I see you have groceries! Um... Get any eggnog?"  
"Won't that be one Hell of a night!?" Cleo laughed.  



	2. 

Chapter 2: Headaches  
  
Lucy didn't open her eyes. Her head was throbbing so hard she wanted to fall asleep again. She felt her head was on something firm and warm. It felt kind of... Nice. Then, she realized it was moving; rising slowly up and down in a rhythmic pace. She groaned in pain and her pillow stirred. She heard another groan, deeper than she own did. She knew who that groan belonged to and her eyes snapped open. She sat up abruptly and scrambled over to the other side of the couch she was on. She stared, shocked, at the man at the other end who was also backing away from Lucy. She realized her head had been resting on Carter's chest and her face took on a nauseating expression.  
"Yuck!" They said together, trying to get farther away from each other but still staying on the couch. Lucy and Carter both became fully aware of their pounding headaches again and moaned again.  
"Ah, awake?" they saw Abby walk in through the door to the kitchen, stepping over the limp form of Luka. She was carrying a plate of scrambled eggs.  
"What am *I* doing *here* with *him?*" Lucy demanded. Abby chuckled.  
"Do you really want to know?" she asked, handing Carter the plate of eggs and taking out a videotape, "Those are for you, Carter, yours are back in the kitchen, Lucy. It's the only thing I can make without burning it," she added. They heard another moan coming from beneath the table. The three turned in time to see Dave sit up, and the plastic pitcher that had been on his head tumbled to the floor.  
"What day is it?" He asked, groggily.  
"December 25!" Abby answered, "Christmas! You guys drank the night away last night!"  
"What?!" Lucy, Dave and Carter said together. They saw Luka's limp form stir and finally, his eyes opened.  
"What's going on?" he questioned, sleepily.  
"Well, that's the beauty part! I thought you guys would want to know why you're laying under the table with a pitcher on your head or on the couch with a student or supervisor or even just laying on the floor in the door way of the kitchen and this room here!" she said. Dave and Luka looked at Lucy and Carter when Abby had said they had woken up on the couch together. Abby continued, "And so, I made a little souvenir you guys could watch when you wake up. Dave, I recommend that you don't take up a singing career, you too, Luka. And Carter, when you start kissing someone, let it be someone *else* instead of a student!" They all looked at each other and Carter knew he didn't want to see the tape.  
"Gimme that!" He made a grab for the tape.  
"Nope, sorry, I have to show you this!" Abby suppressed a smile as she inserted the tape in the VCR. They watched Carter and Lucy talk like drunken lovers. Lucy shook her head and laughed.  
"I had to comfort you because you were sad you weren't gay? Now that's just sad, Carter!"  
"Whatever, Nucy Light!" Carter shot back.  
"Hey, why are we calling you Oscar, Abby?" Dave asked.  
"Because I refused to drink. You thought I was a grouch and so Luka here came up with the idea."  
"Oh!" they all said.  
"Dave? Luka? You can't even do math right when you're drunk!" Carter laughed.  
"Well, I have an excuse! You expect me to remember your currency when I can't remember how many drinks I had?" Luka asked.  
"And... And... And *I* have more important things on my mind!" Dave tried to defend himself.  
"Dave, you thought there were two quarters in a dollar," Lucy said, "That's pathetic!" she was looking at Dave who was looking at the TV and a grin broke out across his face.  
"Not as pathetic as you!" he cried, pointing at the TV. Lucy whipped her head around and saw, briefly, a horrible image.  
"My God, ewe! I can really gross myself out!" Lucy wrinkled her nose in disgust. Carter tossed her a look.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Me make out with you? How disgusting can you get?"  
"Gee, thanks, Luce, love you too. Real esteem booster!" Carter said, sarcastically.  
"No offence, it's just... well, you know. I'm your student, it's against the rules," Lucy said apologetically, a hint of something else in her voice Carter quickly picked up on.  
"Did I hear some regret to that, Luce?" he asked.  
"Well, maybe..." she smiled mischievously at him. Luckily, everyone else was too busy looking at the screen to notice. Carter tossed her a grin.  
"Oh God make it stop!" Luka screamed, as the words to 'Yellow Submarine' continued to play. The notes were way off key.  
"Ha ha! Justice!" Carter laughed, "What do you have to say now, Dave?"  
"I still think you and Lucy on the couch is unbeatable!" Dave said. They continued to watch the tape of the stupid things Carter, Dave, Lucy and Luka were doing. Cleo soon entered the room and burst out laughing.  
"I can't believe you're doing this, Abby!" she declared.  
"I just thought they'd like to see what, uh, idiots they are when they're drunk!"  
"Idiots?" Cleo laughed, "More like-"  
"Careful, Cleo, we want to keep this fic as PG as possible!"  
"OK, Ok, I won't say anything!" Cleo promised. Dave shot her a look.  
"Look, we maybe stupid, but we aren't deaf! And Abby, what ever did happen to that, you know, 'problem' of yours?" Abby couldn't keep from laughing.  
"I was the one that spiked the eggnog, Dave!" she chortled. Lucy, Carter and Luka tore their eyes away from the TV and stared at her.  
"WHAT?" they all asked. Even Cleo looked shocked.  
"That still doesn't explain why you didn't drink," Lucy pointed out.  
"Yes it does," Abby smiled, "It was very, very strong alcohol. Experiment. A good scientist has to stay sober when observing!" at these words, the four 'test subjects' got up and lunged at Abby, pushing her to the floor. They were all laughing, despite their headaches and hangovers.  
"Wait until I reach your throat!" Dave screamed.  
"Nope, that's mine!" Carter shouted.  
"I'll rip you apart piece by piece!" Lucy yelled.  
"Not if I do it first!" Luka exclaimed. Cleo was on the couch now, laughing herself to death.  
"So that's why you recorded them!" she shouted over the commotion, hoping Abby was still alive to hear her. She heard a muffled sound that sounded like 'sort of' from under the heap of flailing bodies. About fifteen to thirty minutes later, Lucy and Carter were lying on their backs on the floor, breathing hard and staring at the ceiling. Dave was looking for some aspirin and Luka was in the bathroom, most likely throwing up. Abby was nursing some bruises she had received and Cleo was helping.  
"Wow..." Lucy moaned, "That took out a lot of energy!"  
"Yeah..." Carter groaned back, "A lot! And that was not a video I wanted to see!"  
"You think *that* was bad?" Cleo asked, "Wait until Abby shows it at *next* year's Christmas party!"  
"OH NO!" Lucy and Carter wailed together, dreading the day. 


	3. Christmas Time... Again

Chapter 3: Christmas Time... Again  
  
Sorry it took so long. Went on a stupid class trip. Last chapter!  
  
"OK, OK!" Abby stood on the table and tapped her glass with a fork, trying to get the chatting people's attention, "Today is Christmas Eve as we all know. I have prepared a little treat for you! It's a tape from last year featuring four very untalented doctors!" groans from three distinct people could be heard, "Now, unfortunately, one of those doctors couldn't be with us here tonight. She had plans with the man upstairs," There was a moment of silence and then Abby continued, "But for the other three, Dave, Carter and Luka, who are here, I would like to say that you still can't sing and you still have bad taste in lovers!" Abby jumped off the table and made her way to the TV. Dave leaned over to Carter.  
"Well, even though we made, uh, 'idiots' of ourselves last year, I was the one who spiked the eggnog this year!" he whispered.  
"I was wondering why she seemed a little tipsy," Carter and Dave smiled at each other,  
"In away, I'm jealous of Lucy," Carter said after a moment. Dave looked at him.  
"How could you be jealous of her?"  
"She doesn't have to be here when everyone is watching us 'idiots.'" Dave nodded, understanding.  
"Yeah, but would you rather be here, or upstairs with her?" Dave asked. Carter thought for a minute.  
"I honestly do not know!"  
"Poor Lucy."   
"Yeah..." He hid his face in his hands when he looked up and saw Lucy and himself on the screen and then muttered, "I'd rather be with Lucy," Dave laughed. As everyone was laughing at the way Carter and Lucy were flirting casually and stupidly with each other, the door blew open suddenly, allowing snow and wind to rush in like a flood. In the door stood a person bundled in clothing. When the person took off the scarf around their head, they recognized who it was and smiled.  
"Sorry I'm late, guys. Mr. Larison upstairs was being a pain in the butt!" she said.  
"It's all right, Lucy, glad you could make it!" Peter laughed. The woman looked at him, wondering why he was laughing. She then noticed the TV was on and sighed.  
"God, you aren't actually watching this are you?" she asked.  
"Over here, Luce, with all the other idiots!" Carter called over to her. She smiled and approached them.  
"Hey Carter," she said, "This as embarrassing as we thought it'd be?"  
"More," Carter replied, "But we're having a great time! How was the guy upstairs?"  
"Mr. Larison?"  
"We all just like to call him 'the man upstairs.' It's easier and more polite than 'the grumpy old guy upstairs.'"  
"He was fine, his usual annoying self, but fine. Soon we're gonna move him to a lower level though," Lucy replied.  
"Gee, great, then he could be 'the guy downstairs...' Come to think of it, that suits him a whole lot better the little devil!" Lucy laughed at Carter's comment.  
"Guess who I saw today?" she said.  
"Who?"  
"Samantha Sobriki."  
"What did you see her for?" Carter looked at her suspiciously.  
"I didn't see her, she saw me. She came to give me a Christmas card. She had one for you too. Here," Lucy handed him an envelope, "I think she still feels bad about what happened last Valentine's Day with her husband."  
"Yeah, well, she didn't know it was going to happen and neither did we. The important thing is that you didn't die and I did not get addicted to pain medication and Abby did not become my sponsor and ship me off to-"  
"Carter that's enough! What are you talking about?"  
"Some dream I had I think..."  
"What I *think* you mean to say is that the important thing is that we are both alive and healthy despite the stabbing." (Hey, you expect me to have Lucy killed did you? I mean, come on, it's a comedy!)  
"Hey, Dr. Knight, glad to see you could make it!" Dave said coming over.  
"Why hello, Dr. Dave!" Lucy said back.  
"Nice to see you. But you came at a bad time!"  
"Oh, I'm not so sure about that..." Lucy smiled and they silently watched as their colleagues chuckled at their stupid behavior, but the real fun came after.  
"Ah ha!" Dave said, "Payback time! Hey Abby!" he called over to her.  
"Yeah?" she asked.  
"How 'bout a rendition of 'Yellow Submarine?'" he said, whipping out a microphone.  
"Kareoke?" Abby asked excitedly, "I'd be delighted!" And so Dave sat back with a video camera, satisfied as Abby screeched the words to the old song. Luka watched her, too.  
"Dave, it's not very respectful to take advantage of someone when they're drunk!" he said.  
"Hey, she did it to us first!" Dave retorted. Luka sighed and shook his head, knowing there was no way on earth to change Dave's mind. As they watched Abby sing the notes to 'Yello Submarine,' it brought back some happy memories.  
"You know, Abby's goung to kill you tomorrow..." Luka said, slowly.  
"So? I can run really fast!"  
"So can I!" Luka gave him a look and Dave fell silent.  
Carter laughed and said, "Well, Happy Holidays!"  
"Merry Christmas!" Lucy smiled.  
"Happy New Years! Wahoo! I'm gonna tease her about this one for a while!" Dave laughed then added at the look on Luka's face, "Uh, I mean, well, yeah..." Luka just laughed and said the only thing left to be said.  
"And Happy Boxing day!" Lucy, Carter and even Dave looked at him.  
"What?" he asked, "You guys took all the others!" and they laughed with the bad singing in the background.  



End file.
